How Do You Do That??? Part 1
“How do you do that?”
This is often the question I first receive when I tell people I work in hospice care. It’s like each time I meet someone a waiter swoops by with a platter of hors d’oeuvres and almost every time I am handed the same thing, the same question.
Honestly, I don’t know. I have no idea how I can handle being around people who are dying. I am not certain how I can stomach the circumstances around the end of life. I cannot give you a formulated system on how I get through each encounter with a patient. I wish I could tell you how I manage to stay afloat in the sea of tears, how I can still hear among the laments of family members. One thing I can assure you is, yes, I do have a heart. Yes, I feel. Yes, I experience a full range of emotions.
So, again you ask, “How do you do that?”
Over the next couple weeks, I’ll share with you three answers to that question.
Photo by Tim Miller. tim-miller-photo.com
First, I have accepted the end of life.
Life is terminal. The very thing each and every human being has in common is that we have all been born and we all will die. Death is inevitable. Death can be surprising. We each have to face this reality within ourselves, knowing that the very person we are will cease to exist. We have to decide how we live this life and what we want to be remembered for. We have to live in order to create a legacy. In addition, we have to accept that the ones we love and surround ourselves with too will pass from this life. Life is a gift and each time we are with our family, friends, and the people around us, we ought to treat them with immeasurable value because one day we will not have the chance to. Yes, death is scary and sad, death is terrifying and can be terrible, but it is inevitable. I have accepted this fact and have shaken its hand. It is a normal, everyday experience. I have chosen to face this common human thread and try my best to normalize it, just as birth is an everyday occurrence. I believe that in order to be okay with death, to be able to breathe when the people around us are dying, we have to not ignore death, but accept that it is all around us. It is part of life.
